Note to Self

Dear Self,

          You have been hurt, you have been broken... but you managed to pick up the pieces and made yourself whole again.  It was never easy, you struggled to keep yourself from drowning in sadness.  You had to force yourself to smile when all you wanted to do was cry.  The hurt you were feeling was so unbearable that at one point you just wanted the pain to go away.   

          But somehow in the middle of all the anger, the sadness, the pain and the anguish you were feeling you found the courage to face life again.  You were ready to forgive, but not to forget the lessons you learned.  You were willing to trust and love again.

     You found the courage to look pain in the eye and say, “You can hurt me, but you can never stop me from being happy again.”  

Healing In Time

When you fall down and cut yourself, the wounds do not heal overnight.  It goes through stages of wound healing.  The first few days would be the most difficult because the wound is fresh and the pain would constantly remind you of how you got injured in the first place.  The next few days, the skin starts to repair itself by granulation tissue formation, neovascularization and eventually scar formation or remodeling. In a couple of weeks the wound would be completely healed, but the scar remains as a reminder of the wound that once was in it's place.

But unlike physiologic wound that follows the same healing process regardless of the wound severity, healing from pain caused by emotional or psychological trauma is a totally different story.  Healing usually takes time... a lot of time, but sadly for some healing does not come at all.

Pain is inevitable, that is true.  No one is free from pain.  It is part of our lives... pain is what makes us human.  We all have been victims of it one way or the other.  Pain from a broken heart, failed relationships, pain from loss of a loved one, betrayal, or pain from life's failures and disappointment.  So when a person gets hurt, when does healing come in?  I believe that healing starts when you learn to forgive the person who caused you pain and slowly learn to let go of all the painful memories you hold in your heart.

I personally have my own share of hurts and disappointments in my life.  The pain can be so overwhelming that at one point I was afraid I might never get over it.  But I would not allow myself to suffer for the mistake of others.  I owe it to myself to brush away the tears, pick myself up and move forward. 

To heal and recover from life's major injuries is a choice.  Of course it helps if you have a strong support system rallying behind you.  But even if you have a whole pep squad cheering you on, the only person that can help you is yourself.  Healing should begin within you.  Start with forgiveness.  Forgive those who have hurt you as well as forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you.  Then comes acceptance.  Accept that the past can never be changed and that things happen for a reason.  Learn to let go.  Let go of the things you have no control of, and be hopeful that beautiful things are yet to come.

Even if your heart has been broken into a million pieces, you can always mend and put the pieces back together again.  It may take a while before you start feeling whole again.  Healing is a daily process of forgiveness, acceptance and letting go.  Let time heal the wounds and help you forget the painful memories of the past and allow yourself to look forward to a wonderful tomorrow.

 

Going Home...

Today I woke up feeling happier than usual.  Maybe because this weekend, the kids and I would be spending the time over at my parents place.  Going home always keeps me excited.  the last time I visited was 4 months back.  Even the kids were excited when I told them we were going on a trip.  Whenever they hear the word "boat" they would associate it with going home to our place.  A plane ride would have been better, sadly it's more expensive.  Good thing some airlines offer great promo fares every now and then, and we were able to purchase a plane ticket for October.  Again, another trip back home I would be looking forward to.


  This trip could not have come at a better time.  The past few days have been quite stressful and I really need to go home.  I remember a movie I saw, a father was telling her daughter that a starfish is capable of healing ones self, but to do that, the starfish must first go home.  It's funny,  now I am comparing myself to a starfish, because I feel that I am wounded and i need to go home and heal myself.

   Funny but true.  When I am at home I feel safe, it's as if i don't need to worry about anything because my parents are there to take care of us.  It's really hard to leave the comforts of our home, but eventually we all must come out of our shell and face whatever it is that the world has to offer.  But even if I am now living away from my family and I am trying to build a home for my kids and husband, it's always good to know that I could always "go home" whenever I feel that I need to.