In Pursuit of Greater Things

It's another pay day.  I miss the times when I would go online to check whether my salary has been deposited into my account or wait in anticipation for a text telling me that "may sweldo na doc".  It may seem shallow,but for someone who has bills to pay and kids to feed and send to school, pay day is the most anticipated day of the month.

But sadly for me, my last pay day fell last June 26.  Ever since I resigned from my old job, I have been living on our savings and a little help from my father who loaned me money to cover up some expenses.  

To pursue my goal of going into residency training, I had to give up a good paying job.  A job that has helped us live comfortably for the past years.  But sometimes you have to give up one thing to achieve something bigger.  I must admit that it's not easy thinking about all the bills and the expenses piling up, but somehow God has a way of working things out.

I would tell myself that this is a small sacrifice compared to better things that are yet to come.  Tomorrow I would be having my Promotional Screening Board interview.  The final step before I officially  become a First Year Resident in the Behavioral Sciences Department.  

But this would only be the beginning of my four years training.  I would still have to go through in service exams, reportings, mortality and morbidity conferences, case presentation, and I still have to complete two research papers as part of training.  I have conditioned myself that I may have to occasionally give up attending some family events, going on vacations and other things that I have been used to doing in the past.

All these in my pursuit to being able to do great things for the greater good.

 Hoping for the best :)

Just Smile :)

A good friend of mine who also happens to be a  blogger is working on a project for her blog.  She asked me to send in a photo and write about what feature I find beautiful in myself.

That got me thinking for a while, because I never really get to be asked that kind of question.  But without hesitations I sent in my contribution for the article together with a photo that my friend took herself.

SMILE.  That is what I consider to be my best feature.  As I have written in the e-mail I sent my friend, a smile can do wonders.  It can bring comfort and can brighten up the gloomiest of days.

Smiling has gotten me through some tough and difficult situations.  I smile even when I am hurting because I don't want the people around me to feel the pain I am going through.  I smile when I am nervous because it helps calm my nerves.

A smile is a simple act but can be difficult to give away for some. A quote I read says, "A warm smile is the universal language of kindness".  So try to smile more often and share the gift of love and kindness towards others.

Life can be pretty rough sometimes, but it is not an excuse for us to go around wearing a frown on our face.  Go through life with a smile, and you would realize that things are not that bad after all.

Keep on smiling and make life beautiful :)

Back To December

It's the first day of December, which means Christmas is just around the corner and the New Year not so far behind.  Today got me thinking of last year when I had so many plans in mind for 2012, but sadly never got to chance to actually pursue some of  them because of unavoidable circumstances.

Now, I find myself thinking about what to do for next year, and realized that I am back to what I was doing last December.  I have to probably stop  "just thinking" about it and actually start "doing something" to get to where I want to be for next year. 

But for now, I just want to make the most out of the 30 remaining days of 2012.  I may not have accomplished the goal I set for myself last year, but I could say that I had a good year in general.   In the meantime, let me be the first to greet you a Merry Christmas!  Here's hoping that you get to celebrate this season with your loved ones... and try to focus on the giving part and less on the receiving end, lol!

My Journey On A Time Machine

I find myself riding on a time machine every now and then.  It takes me back to the distant past where memories are being played like movies in my mind.  I loved the happy memories, and learned to live with the bad ones.  There is always a reason why we had to go through heartaches and disappointments, it was meant to help us become stronger and wiser.  But sometimes these memories can break us into pieces, and we are never the same again.

As much as I enjoy going back to the past, I would always find myself traveling into the future.  Having a vision of myself doing what I love to do, being around the people that matters the most to me.  The future is where I find my dreams and aspirations in life.  These dreams help keep me going each and every day.  It inspires me to be better.  There are dreams that I needed to give up for myself to give way to more important things in life.  But giving up does not mean letting go, if that dream lives in your heart, there is always hope that someday it will come true.

We all have our own time machine, so travel back and relive happy memories or go into the future and turn your dreams into a reality.

The Promise of A Sunrise

I guess one of the perks of working during the night shift is that I get to witness how the sun comes up every morning.  How the sky would slowly welcome the suns shining rays and bring in a brand new day.

I love the sunrise.  For me it is a promise of hope, of new beginnings, of second chances.  It is God's way of telling us to give life another try, an opportunity for us to correct our mistakes and move on to something better.

Each new day is a miracle in itself.  So face every sunrise with a hope that no matter what happens, life is good and that you should live it to the fullest, no fears, no regrets...

The Comforts of Childhood Memories

I have not been myself lately.  Sometimes thinking about all the bills to pay, running a household, keeping up with everything going on at school with the kids, and all the other responsibilities that I have can be overwhelming.  

When I am troubled, I would always find myself going back and thinking about how life was for me when I was a kid.  It brings back happy memories of my childhood.  I did not have to worry about anything because as a kid, I always knew that my parents were there to take care of me. We were not rich, but my parents made sure I had everything I needed and even more,  I feel blessed because growing up, we were well provided for

That exact same thought would give me the courage to pull myself together because I am now a parent myself, with two kids depending on me.  I owe it to my children to make sure they would also have a happy childhood to look back to.

I may run into rough spots and trials now, but I would always think that despite everything I am still blessed.  Memories of my happy childhood would always bring me comfort and teaches me to live each day as it comes.

The Masks We Wear

 You seem to be happy.  I see you smile each day, but I know behind those smiles are silent cries and tears waiting to flow. 

You appear tough.  You always have that stern look on your face, but I know behind that strong front is a person who is afraid to get hurt.

You appear to be concerned and would wish someone well.  But behind those hugs and friendly exchanges is a plot to pull the person down.

I realized that sometimes people wear masks for different reasons. 

 You put on a happy mask so those around you won't see that you're suffering from the inside.  You put on a mask to appear strong so others won't see that you also have a weakness.  But I guess what's scary is when people put on a mask to  pretend to be someone they are not.

When you put on a mask, you are not just fooling the people around you, you are also lying to yourself.  Don't be afraid to show who you really are and how you feel.  Those who truly love you would accept you for what you are. 

For those who hide behind masks to deceive others, stop and think about what you are doing.  Whatever reason you have would never justify the fact that you may be ruining peoples lives.

Take off that mask before it starts to ruin you.  Stop hiding behind those masks, face whatever life has thrown at you, and don't be afraid to let the people around you help you up.  Remember that you are never alone.  You don't need to put on a mask because someone out there loves you for being YOU.

“We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.”
― Andre Berthiaume

The Good Life

What is a good life?  Is it living luxuriously, travelling around the world, shopping till you drop and partying all night long?

Not exactly. I want to share with you a post I read about the good life.

A good life is when you assume nothing, expect little.

Do more, need less.  Smile often. Dream big

Laugh a lot.  Pray always.

Cry once in a while and realize 

how blessed you are for what you have.

I hope and pray that you get the good life you deserve.  Learn to appreciate whatever it is that you have, try to find the good in everything, and be a blessing to others.

All Will Be Well

Today I woke up feeling grateful that at last Andre is well and back to his old self.  He has been sick for almost a week, and I am not used to seeing him just sitting around or lying in bed.  The only time he ever gets up is when he needs to go to the bathroom.  

Our trips to the hospital has also been stressful.  I was just silent the whole time he was crying after a blood extraction,  and telling me he was mad at me for lying at him.  He made me promise they would not stick any needles at him at the hospital, but I broke that promise.  I told him I was sorry and just hugged him until he feel asleep, tired from crying.

What got me through each day is thinking that "all will be well".  These are little bumps in the road of life an d no matter how stressful it can be, we should never allow it to dampen ours spirits.  I do get scared when my kids get sick, but I don't allow them to see me in a panicky mode.  I would always put on a happy face and tell them that Jesus will take away whatever is making them sick and that everything will be okay.  

I have always been the optimistic type, and I have this belief that when you tell yourself that things are going to be okay, you will yourself to believe that "all will be well", and in the end somehow things do turn out to be okay... and if you're lucky they turn out to be even better.  So today and everyday, trust that all will be well.

A Letter to the 26 years old Me

A few weeks back, my son was asked to bring a baby picture of himself to school that they would be putting on the walls of their classroom.  So I had to rummage through some of the old photos I kept.  I was supposed to arrange them in an album, I had been putting them off for quite some time and I promised myself to work on them over the weekend.  Just to be sure I had to write it down in my "to do list".  

As I was going over the photos, I came across my graduation pic from med school.  It was taken 8 years ago to be exact.  I was staring at the picture and thinking, if I were to say something to the younger me what advice could I give her?  So I suddenly thought of doing something silly and write myself a letter, so here it goes:

Dear 26 years old Chin-Chin,

          I really love this graduation photo, this was much better than the college graduation photo you had when you were 21 years old.  You look so happy here, probably because life was much easier for you despite the toxicity of being a medical student, things were always manageable.  I know you have your parents to thank because they always made sure you and your brothers had everything you need.  You never had to worry about anything.  Who would have thought that in a couple of weeks after graduating from med school everything would change.  Just when your batch mates were all preparing for their internship, you were preparing how to break the news that you were pregnant.  I know you were terrified not because you were going to have a baby, but because you know how disappointed your parents would be when they found out.   You were probably expecting the worse on the evening you were called to their room. They were asking you why you have been so awfully quiet and locking yourself up in your room during the past few days.  No answer came out from you, it was your father who broke the ice by cracking a joke and telling you that if Ross was going to ask permission to get married that he needs to wait until he passed the board exams.  I know how difficult it was for you to say what you were going to say next knowing that it would totally break their hearts.  So you just blurted out you were pregnant, mumbled an apology and expected a scene straight out of the movies where the daughter was slapped, the mother crying and hysterical and the father getting his gun and rushing over to the boyfriends house.  The silence was totally deafening, but then you felt an arm on your shoulder and your parents telling you not to say sorry, reassuring you that things were going to be okay and that a baby was a blessing from God.

          You knew from that day forward that things were going to be different.  That so many things were about to change.   At 26 years old, you had to give up your long time wish of walking down the aisle with your wedding gown  and chose to be practical.  While your friends were living their dream, you had to put your own dream on hold and focus on how to be a good mother to your son.  Another blow came to you when you found out Ross was being sent to Manila right after passing the board exams.  You heard the news roughly a few days before his scheduled departure.  You panicked and it seemed your whole world was falling apart.  It was not easy and for a moment you wanted to give up then, but you had to be strong for yourself and for Andre.  If there was one thing you were always thankful for, was that your parents were always there for you in whatever it was you were going through. 

          You still had to go through so much in the years to come.  You would learn that people can hurt you in so many ways, but only if you let them.  In time you would learn to shut down all the hurtful and bad memories because they would tend to hold you back.  You will realize that the love you used to have would change over time, but at the end of the day you will always choose to go back to that one love no matter how imperfect it may be.  You would find yourself enjoying a job you totally had no idea what it was at first because it opened up a whole new window of possibilities for you.  You will find new friends but definitely keep the old ones close to your heart.  You would still cry and get broken hearted once in while, you may be frustrated at times especially when things don't go as planned.  But as always, you would find yourself picking up the pieces or standing up again believing that whatever difficulties we are facing, it would all turn up okay in the end. 

          I'm sorry if there are times when you feel disappointed with yourself, but I want you to know how proud I am of you.  Don't ever think you made some bad choices, it was probably the timing that was not right.  I know how much sacrifice you would go through for your family, and you need to always stay strong because it won't get any easier, but the rewards would always be greater.  If you knew then what I know now, would you still go through everything?  You may have a few regrets, but I am sure that you would never turn your back on being a mother to Andre and Micah because that is the greatest achievement I could be proud of today.  I want you to enjoy every moment of being a mother, forget about all the things of the past and just keep moving forward.  You have to accept that life is not perfect, but that we should always be thankful even for the imperfections because then we learn to appreciate life more.  Always strive to be happy and be a blessing to others.  

          Keep on dreaming because life is always full of possibilities!!

   

What Lies Ahead?

It has been a week since I officially became jobless and added to the increasing number of unemployed citizens of this country.  It's a sad and painful reality that I have to face.  The sudden turn of events left me somewhat at a loss but as what we usually say, "life goes on".  

I honestly feel scared sometimes because I don't really know what's going to happen next.  But I find comfort in knowing that I made the right decision. I did not really expect things would turn out this way, there must be a good reason behind everything.  I believe that whatever it is, the Big Guy up there knows it's for the best.  

We never really know what lies ahead.  But the decisions we make today would always affect what tomorrow would bring.  I made a decision that changed my life.  For now, it may seem that I am at the loosing end, but I am at peace with myself.  

Things Will Be Okay

Have you ever felt that everything in your life seems to be working against you?  Things don't go exactly as planned, and you feel at a loss?  Well you're not alone.  I have been in that same place and I tell you it's not a good one to be in.  But I have always been the optimistic type, so I tell myself that things are going to be alright.  I allow myself to cry for a while and then pick myself up together again.  

You may feel down and out.  You may get your heart broken.  You may fall on your knees.  But you can always stand up and start anew.  

Don't think about how difficult life is for you right now, but rather focus on how you can make it better.  

Things happen for a reason.  It may seem hard to figure things out, but it does not mean that it won't get any better.  I believe things always have a way of working themselves out. 

 I can't promise you sunshine and rainbows for the rest of your life.  You may get drenched in the rain, but believe that you'll make it through every storm, and come out a better person.  But one thing is for sure, you will be Okay,  I know you will.

Every Single Moment Counts

Whatever life throws at you, may you always find it in your heart to be "thankful" for everything, even for the difficulties you encounter.

Life was never meant to be easy, how can you appreciate the good if you never experienced the bad. 

Enjoy every single moment because you will never know how long it can last.

Never, ever take anything or anyone for granted...

GodWhispers

I have been subscribing to Bo Sanchez's GodWhispers for almost 2 months now, and twice a week, I receive an e-mail with  personal messages that talk about kindness to others, forgiveness, love, and hope.  The messages are just short ones, but I find myself looking forward to these messages because it gives me something to ponder on, it uplifts me and inspires me to become a better version of myself.

Today, I received a message that talked about failure.  Having had my share of failures in the past, I know how hard it is to overcome them, but with God's grace I have come to accept my share of "downs".  There was a time in my life when I have failed not just myself, but the people I love because of some bad choices.  But I learned that to move forward, we should accept our failures and mistakes, and learn from them.  I would like to share the message I received today, and if you want to have your share of messages from God, subscribe to godWhispers since it's totally free.

Dear ChinChin,

Embrace failure.  Fail forward.  Fail quickly.  So that you can start again.

It's the only road to success.

To your great success,
God

P.S. ChinChin, you will succeed.  I know.

Lutong Bahay: Mama's Home Cooked Meals

One thing I miss the most from home is my Mama's cooking.  I feel blessed to have grown up in a household where food was abundant.  It's as if we're always dining in out, not to brag but you could compare her cooking to well known restaurants.  Cooking is her passion,  She did not have proper training, what she knew she learned from my lola, who was pure Chinese and was a good cook as well.

When we went home for her birthday, I was so excited because she was inviting a few friends and relatives over for a small salo-salo.  I could almost imagine all my favorite dishes lined up, just thinking about them made me hungry.  

Baked Macaroni with all the melted cheese on top.  Mama's pasta dishes are heaven.  Every Sunday was always Pasta day at home.  She would cook different pasta dishes like spaghetti, carbonara, fettuccine and spaghetti with sardines and tomato pesto sauce.  I also make it a habit to cook spaghetti for my kids on Sundays.  By the way, I discovered that Spaghetti with Century Tuna chunks in Spanish style was also a yummy and healthy dish.  It's also easy to make, just saute the tuna in onions and garlic, add in salt and pepper to taste, and toss in the pasta.

Mama's Dinuguan is the BEST!  I would never eat dinuguan during parties or fiestas because I'm not really sure how they are prepared.  The only dinuguan  I eat aside from my Mama's cooking is the dinuguan they serve at Red Ribbon bakeshop.

One of her most requested dish is Paella.  It's a Spanish rice dish that she cooks on special occasions.  It's made up of sticky rice, with a variety of seafood's (crabs, shrimp, shells), chorizo bilbao  and quail eggs.

Other favorites include  embutido, sotanghon, and even the simple dishes she cooks for us during meal times are all yummy.  I guess cooking is her innate gift.  Her friends would encourage her to open up a canteen or go into catering, but she would always decline.  She just enjoys cooking for family and friends, and I think it is enough for her knowing that every dish she prepares is able to satisfy a hungry stomach. She is happy whenever her cooking is appreciated.

I am not a good cook like Mama, but every time I prepare a meal for my family, I remember what she has taught me, and when I have doubts, she is just a phone call away.  One important lesson I learned from her is cook with a happy heart and enjoy what you are doing.  Cooking is always a trial and error thing.  Don't expect your first dish to be perfect.

My Favorite Hobby

Reading is my favorite past time.  It has always been a hobby of mine that started when I was a kid.  From comic books, to Nancy Drews, Sweet Dreams and Sweet Valley High, and then I started to read  from authors like Sidney Sheldon, Judith McNaught, Nora Roberts and Danielle Steel.

A second hobby developed out of my love for reading, I also started to collect books, magazines and novels.  I remember having a book shelf at home with all my Sweet Dreams, Sweet Valley High and Danielle Steel novels alphabetically arranged according to title.  I also had a collection of Seventeen and Cosmopolitan magazines.  I would save up my allowance to buy myself a book or magazine at least once a week from the Booksale store that opened in Tacloban.  

 

 When I was about to transfer to Manila, I had to clean up my stuff and had to give some of them away, which included the novels and magazines I dearly treasured all these years.  A friend suggested I sell them to a book rental store downtown, in that way instead of rotting away and being eaten by termites in our "bodega". it would still be a source of joy to book lovers like me.  So some of my books went to that book rental store, some I gave away, but a few I kept with me, including my Danielle Steel novels which has traveled with me from Manila to Cebu where I am now currently based.  I am still a D.S. novel collector, but I also have a couple of e-books from other authors I store in my PC.  I don't think I would ever outgrow my love for reading, it's amazing how words can inspire you, take you to places you could only dream of going, it widens your imagination, make you laugh and cry at times.  Reading feeds the mind and nourishes the soul.

Alone Time

My kids and the yayas are with my parents for vacation, and suddenly I find myself alone in the house. It is unusually quiet, and suddenly I wished the kids were here.  I did not even bother to cook since Ross is on duty, so I made myself a tuna sandwich instead.  It's funny how I would often wish to be able to spend some quiet moments alone, and now that I have  a few days all to myself, I find myself missing the kids...  But since this is a rare occasion, I might as well make the most out of this "alone" time to catch up on sleep, sit down and finish the Dan Brown book that has been sitting on top of my side table, clean up my closet, and in a couple of days I would be going home to fetch my kids and life would be back to normal again...

My Perfectly Unperfect Life

 

There are times when I wish I could edit my life.  Delete all the not-so-good things from the past, and only keep those that has brought happy memories.  But life is not lived that way.  There are no rewind or fast forward buttons either.  There must be a reason why life has to hurt sometimes.  We must experience hardships to enjoy all the good things that life has to offer.

Life would indeed be perfect if we could change things by just pushing a button.  But I think that there is no such thing as a perfect life.  The trials and problems that we are facing are meant to make us "better" not "bitter".  I have come to accept that my life is not perfect, but I am happy. 

I am happy because I now that God has been good to me. Despite of my imperfections, I know that God loves me.  

Praying with Feelings

 God can handle our feelings. The stories of great souls always include accounts of their emotional connection with God. We are passionate creatures and God welcomes our anger, sorrow, frustration, fear, and celebration. In fact, he wants it! We're to love God with all our heart. God can handle your emotions. Use them as a booster rocket for prayer. Laugh out a prayer. Weep out a prayer. Connecting with God at this level is the very best place to find emotional wholeness.

Catching Up

 

 

I think I have a lot to write about, but it seems I haven't got the time.  This is just a preview of things to come.  A lot of pictures to post and thoughts to share... It has been a busy week, but thank God it's Friday!